~this moment... five years ago~

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week ...

five years ago today.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by SouleMama

~on lessons and putting~

So, I never told you what went down when we went putt-putting.

The day was beautiful, the sun was shining, and we were with family.  What more can one ask for? 

The boys had free coupons to use that they had gotten from the library.  It was part of their summer reading program prize and it included these putt-putt tickets. Luckily they had dropped an extra one in and we though we'd ask their cousin, Kory, if he wanted to join. 

We headed down south to grandma's house and picked her and Kory up. 
The five of us were headed to the Miniature Golf Course to have some fun!

After picking out putters, balls, and getting a picture with the cool Indians out front, they decided which course to play. 

The trees above provided a beautiful canopy of shade and I enjoyed taking pictures of the nature around us just as much as snapping photos of the kids.

 

I had two jobs this day: offical scorekeeper and photographer. 

Unfortunately, I was more passionate about one job than the other. It wasn't the score keeping.

Everything was going perfect until the end.
Here's what went down right before they started the last hole (18):

Austin: "Who's winning mom?"

Mom: "I'm not sure, Austin.  Let me count."

Mom: *begins to count up the scores and looks up.... confused*

Mom: "Oh shoot!  Is this the last hole?"

Austin: "Yep. Why?"

Mom: "Well, from the scorecard it looks as though we are only on hole 14.  Hmmm???"

Austin: "You've got to be kidding me!  That's because you're too busy taking pictures instead of writing our scores down!  Mom!!!!"

Mom:  "Here... I'll fix it.  I think  I remember what holes I forgot to write down.  I'll just erase and move over these holes and you can replay the ones I missed."

Mom: *frantically erasing and rewriting and guessing and sweating* 

Austin: "This is ridiculous.  I can't believe you did this."

Mom: "Sorry guys."

Austin: "What's the point of playing if we don't know who won?"

And that's when it hit me. 
Like a ton of bricks. 
How could I have forgotten? 

In the midst of snapping away photos of the beauty around us, enjoying the company of my mom and seeing my nephew, loving the excitement and joy in my boys eyes at each hole... I forgot. 

This is Austin we are talking about. 
Mr. Competitive. 

Right then and there I looked down at the boys.  All three of them were standing there in front of me, eyes looking up for answers, fixated on me. Waiting for me to FIX this mess.

And what did I do?

I looked straight into the depths of my son Austin's eyes and answered his question. 

Mom: "The fun of it. That's the point, Austin."

And I did the unthinkable.

As I voiced those words I shredded that messed up scorecard into as many pieces as I possibly could.  

I walked over to the trash can and let the pieces fall like rain into the metal red container.   

I'll never forget the look on his face. 

He played that last hole in silence. And at the end of this final hole the ball dropped into the cup forever. 

It was carried off into a tube that leads to a crate full of colorful balls all waiting to be retrieved by the owner.

I felt like that ball was my son's heart dropping into that cup.

Rolling away into a create, waiting to be retrieved by his mom.

I walked over to him, no words spoken, put my arms around him, embraced him into a huge hug and kissed the top of his head.

He looked up and smiled at me under the brim of his baseball cap. 

And that's when I saw it.

This boy of mine is growing up.

He learned an important lesson this day.  One that I hope stays with him forever. It's not always about winning. 

I learned one as well.  I need to put the camera down and just live in the moment instead of having to always try and capture it. 

Memories are the best photos in life.  

 

~this moment~

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by SouleMama

 

 

 

~165 miles for a Coca-Cola~

It wasn't the hotel,

or the pool,

or the Jacuzzi that got his attention. 

Not the breakfast buffet,

 or 3 days of playing against the toughest elite baseball teams.

It wasn't the lunch out with just mom,

or the big comfy beds with 4 pillows each,

or the pizza party after a victory.

It wasn't downloading new songs for an

"Indiana Playlist" on his iPod,

or hearing his mom sing 'Pontoon' over and over in the car.

It wasn't the 104 degree temperatures, or hail storms, or rain delays. 

You want to know what was worth the 165 mile drive this past weekend?

The look on Austin's face when he saw this touch screen 

Coca-Cola machine. 

He thought it was the bees-knees.

And when his little brother and dad drove in the next day,

we had to go back to show them.

It was just that cool.

Any drink you can imagine in any flavor you can think of. 

Austin went nuts about the Vanilla Coke. 

Derek tried the Raspberry Sprite. 

Dad went for the Orange Coke.

I opted for the Indiana Water... I wasn't disappointed.

Have you seen one of these new dispensers?   



~this moment~

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by SouleMama

~visualize~

Right before every game, my son's baseball team is called into a huddle to visualize.  No talking, no listening, no words spoken.  In this brief moment, thoughts of hitting, running, catching, batting, fielding, fly balls, singles, doubles, triples, home runs, outs, pitches, and *who knows what* are all racing through their minds. For all I know, one of them is thinking that he needs to double knot his shoe lace or he'll trip, or that he should have picked a grape Gatorade instead of orange.  Reguardless, I often wonder about what each person thinks about for his own mental game.  Do they have confidence in themselves or are they scared?  Can they see themselves succeeding or do they see failure?  

Austin commented after a game that something during the game happened that he had visualized before the game and that it works.  Does it work?  Can we visualize something and actually make it happen? Is it luck or coincidence or will power? If we want something bad enough can we achieve it? Of course we can!

Then I think of my own life.  My family and friends.  Are we taking enough time in our own busy lives to really sit, think, not talk or listen, just visualize?  We should. We can.  We can learn from our children. 

All of us are capable of hitting a home run...in life... or on the field. We just have to see it. And then take a chance and swing.


(*On a side note, I visualized my house being cool again and guess what?? It is! Mr. Air Conditioner Man came through and this mama is a bit happier, and cooler!)

~this moment~

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by SouleMama.

enjoying the first bite from the brownies that he made from scratch

~loyal Miami Heat fan~

It's been five years since we took Austin to Indianapolis to see  the Miami Heat play at the Conseco Fieldhouse against the Indiana Pacers. My husband has been a loyal fan since 1988 when the team was formed.  Needless to say, we are all Heat fans to this day. 

Tonight we will be watching and cheering on our team to a victory against the Oklahoma City Thunder.  I'd typically pick thunder over heat any day. Especially with the hot temperatures we've been having... a nice rain with a storm would surely be welcome. 

But not tonight. 

Not on the court.

I'll take the heat.

Go Miami!!

~pick your own strawberries~

The weather yesterday was too good not to go out for an adventure.  I decided we'd stay local since we had plans for the evening and didn't want to be gone all day.  Our town librarian told us about a field that was only 11 miles from our house that we could go pick our own strawberries.  We've always traveled farther to another place years prior.

Why had I not known about this place before now!?!

 We headed out on our big adventure and stopped along the way to look at the clouds and admire some of our favorite farms. I decided to surprise the boys and we stopped at an old gas station/pizza place/post office/ice cream parlor in a nearby town. Yep.... one of "those" places.  Where you can find just about anything and you can get your gas from a vintage pump where the numbers turn like an old clock and you have to go inside and pay.  Love these!!    

The boys thought it was pretty cool to be eating in the middle of a gas station, grabbing pizza right out of the box, picking out a pop from the cooler to drink with it, and admiring the racks of candy and chips surrounding them.  You would have thought they were in junk food city!! And no.... this mom didn't give in to any requests.

So, we were back in the car and on the road again. We traveled down one lane roads and took in all the sights, animals, landmarks, and talked about the history of the couple towns we drove through and the people who had farmed this land years ago. 

 The produce farm we arrived at was full of busy workers and friendly faces.  We were told we could pick right there or head down the road a bit to some more fields.  Back in the car and down a lane we continued on.

The boys had a fun time pulling the buckets apart.  We each got a bucket to carry and then we dumped them all together before we checked out.

Austin seemed to enjoy this adventure more than Derek, surprisingly.  He got right into the picking and found "the perfect spot".  Derek was more interested in walking up and down the rows, checking out the watering system, and playing with the Wiener dog another couple brought with them.

Derek did find what he called the "Big Daddy Strawberry" just laying on the ground that someone else had probably dropped from their bucket.  This was the first one we washed and ate when we arrived home.

A while later, we found our buckets were getting full and we needed to go back to the farm and pay for our sweet gems.  Austin questioned this system and how the owners kept track of the other fields and of who payed and who didn't.  It was a nice opportunity to talk about the 'Honor System' and how it's hard to find places around like this anymore.  
 

One of these beautiful hanging baskets came home with us.

And of course a little bear of local honey that Derek just loved. He asked if he could keep the bottle when it was gone to put our other honey in. It's the simple things in life, isn't it!?!

The ride home was just as nice and beautiful as the ride there.  The clouds looked like, "stairs to heaven."

One more stop at the Dairy Bar in our town for some ice cream and then we'd be home.

I tried out a Lemon Italian Ice and thought it was pretty tasty.

Back at home we poured the strawberries into the sink to give them a good wash and put them out to air dry on towels on the counter.  Needless to say, there were a few dozen missing from the group within a short period of time.  It was so nice to have freshly picked, warm, sun-kissed, delicious strawberries to enjoy!! We just might make some freezer jam today.  (If there are enough left by then. Otherwise, it's back to the fields tomorrow for some more!)

That evening we all loaded up into the car to meet some friends at a Minor League baseball game.  We had a fun time, even though our home team lost.  Austin was lucky enough to catch a ball that one of the outfielders threw into the crowd after a third out in the inning.  And guess where the camera was??
At home,
on the counter,
next to the strawberries. 

It was a beautiful day from start to finish!

~no particular order~

We are full swing into baseball season around here. Every evening this week you'll find us at a ballpark. 

Practice and games.

This weekend we'll spend both days at a tournament for our oldest.

Here we go...

Top THREE favorite things at a baseball game:

(in no particular order) 

Derek

Austin

Soft pretzel

Off to a ball game now!

And I think I might just have a soft pretzel for dinner.

It's ball season, baby...

I can bend the rules a little.

OK...nevermind...I'll be good.

No, wait, I can't.

Alright....

You talked me into it. 

I'll just get "lightly salted".

That's better.

But the cheese sauce stays.



~clarity~

This space, for me, is somewhere I'd like to keep things positive.

Share my thoughts, ideas, crafts, discussions, hopes, and such.

But real life doesn't always give us happy and pleasant things to blog about.  And I don't like sharing too much "bad news", so I stayed away.  But I wanted to share this, now, because someday I want to be able to read it back and remind myself of the power to overcome things.  My absense was due to numerous things, but I'll only touch on two below.

The day I decided to take a breather, I was hit with some unexpected news at work. 

Sometimes things aren't always how wonderful they seem.

To sum things up, I was blind-sided.

Taken completely off guard.

I took things personally.

What was wrong with me?

What did I do to deserve this?

How could I have done things differently?

Questions continually flooded my mind and I couldn't wrap my finger on any exact answers.

And then it hit me.

I woke up one morning and realized that it wasn't me after all.

Things happen around us and sometimes we are caught in the middle.

Or pointed a finger at directly.

For no reason at all.

And it hurts.
Bad.
But then we find clarity.
The blame slowly feels as though it has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am not carrying the weight any more.

I love my job.

I strive to do my best with what I know.

I enjoy all the people I help serve.

The people make we want to go to work each day.

I look forward to it.

I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

I feel like there is a wall up and I will stay guarded.

But it taught me a lot about who I am.

I'm a fighter.

I will not step away from something that I am passionate about.
I will stand up for what I know and believe.

And for realizing this and moving forward, I am greatful.

That same weekend, we got a phone call that made me feel like the world was crashing around us.  Out of respect for the family, I'll only share that a classmate, of my oldest son, took his own life.  Eleven. 

God surely had to be testing me.  Seeing how much I could handle.  How far my strength could go.  Words cannot discribe how hard it was to tell Austin this news.  Again... questions came flooding in.... from him this time.  "Why and how and when and where?"  Mostly the "why".  Although we didn't have all the answers, we tried our best to comfort and support him through this time as much as possible.  My husband, myself, and Austin shared some tears.  Just when I thought I had a break handling other topics (~page 191~), this happens. But, again, I'm glad we were able to be open and discuss this as a family.  

Weeks have passed. Questions have been answered. Life goes on.  

Now when I go to bed each night I am:
~thankful that I have clarity and even more confidence in my work

~hugging my boys just a few seconds longer and tighter... because I can

It feels good to be back!   

~page 191~

Being a parent can be really hard sometimes.

We teach and guide and pray that when our children are away from the home that they make good choices.

But we never know what choices they'll be confronted with or what they'll be exposed to once they step out that front door.

That is what scares me most.



Our oldest came home from school one day last week and started telling me about a book that a female classmate was reading.

This book was on the shelf in their classroom, available for anyone to read.  As much as we encourage literacy in our own home, there are some books that are just meant for adult eyes only.

You would never find such a book offered in a school book order or even in the Young Adult section of the library.

I own a copy of the book.  (This particular author is great, but geared toward an adult audience.) 

I ran and got the book and turned to "page 191" and read the four very *descriptive* pages, just like he had at school. 

It was the longest four pages I've ever read in my life.

His wheels were turning. 

Then the questions started.

And kept pouring in...

and going on...

and on.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't mind him asking.

I WANT him to come to us with questions.

I WANT to be the one to tell him the answers.

The correct answers.

Not the "school bus version". 

What gets me was that we even had to have the conversation in the first place.

I was ready to talk, but wasn't ready for him to hear what I had to say.  We've talked before about the same things, but not to this extent.



The conversation went as well as it could have.

I stressed some important things and kept some items for a later discussion or for him to discover on his own.



Sometimes I wish I could keep them young and innocent forever.

To be able to hold their hands and give them security.

But then I remind myself that we are giving them the proper tools to make their own decisions in life.

We have to slowly let go more and more each day, trust them, and watch them grow before our eyes.

It's awesome and scary at the time.

More than anything, I'm glad we've taught them to feel comfortable enough to come to us with any questions.

 That door will always be open.

~snack time~

Big brother: "Why does my raisin have a stick in it?"

Little brother: "Duh, Austin... They were grapes, you know!?!"

~ice cream~

"Baby Hot Fudge Sundae"

Spring means more than just sprouting buds on the trees, grass turning plush and green, and birds chirping. Spring also means time for the "Dairy Bar" to open in our town!! 

Derek always gets the same: "Chocolate Baby Cup with Sprinkles and Eyeballs with a cone on top." 
Notice how he already ate the swirl on top before I could get a picture?!?!

It's a treat to stop by this place on occasion.  It's located less than a mile from our house and right across the street from the ballpark.  Sometimes coaches or parents will treat their team to ice cream after a great game. 

Nothing like enjoying a cold treat in the car with sweatshirts on!

Ice cream really does taste better when it is 90 degrees outside and you can sit on the curb to eat it and it melts faster than you can lick it.  I'm not kidding!

Strawberry would have to be my favorite flavor... as long as it has HUGE chunks of real strawberries hidden throughout.

 What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

~Scavenger Hunt Screw Up~

I wake to the sound of a plastic egg trying to be snapped shut.
I open my eyes and nudge my husband to let him know the kids are awake.
A few seconds later, Derek comes running into our bedroom, excited as can be.

And here's what happens:

Derek: "Guess what? The Easter Bunny came and left an egg in my closet and it told me to look in my shoe and I found an iTunes gift card!!!"

Mom:  "Did you find any other eggs, too?"

Derek: "Nope, just the one in the closet."

Mom:  "Hmmmmm.  What's the first thing you did when you got up?"

Derek: "Got my clothes on."

Mom: "So, you got up and went straight to your closet for your clothes and then you found an egg?"

Derek: "Yep!"

Mom: "OK?!?! Go see if you can find any more."

Derek: eagerly runs out of parent's bedroom

Mom: (leans over and whispers to Dad) "So, he managed to MISS the FIRST egg the Easter Bunny left right by his bed on the floor, leading him through an entire scavenger hunt through the whole house?!?!  He ends up finding the LAST egg the Easter Bunny left on said scavenger hunt, leading him to his prize right away?? Wow!  I can't believe that."

Dad: smiles and laughs

Derek: (enters back into parent's bedroom) "Guess what?"

Mom: "What?"

Derek: "He did leave me more eggs.  They are in all different places.  But there aren't any more prizes."

Mom: "That's great, honey."

Austin: (enters room) "Hey thanks for the iTunes card, Mom & Dad."

Mom: "Don't thank us...thank the Easter Bunny."

Austin: "Yeah, whatever.  Hey, I mean it.  Thanks guys."

Derek: (looks up strangely at big brother)  "Um, it wasn't from them Austin!  It's from the Easter Bunny."

Austin: "Oh, yeah, sure Derek.  Right. I forgot." (gives mom a ~look~)

Derek:  "We got a whole basket of stuff, too, Mom!"

Mom: "And where was that, Derek?"

Derek: "Right by my bed next to one of those eggs."

Mom: "I see.  Well, maybe the Easter Bunny wanted you to open THAT egg first and then you would have gone on a scavenger hunt to find the other eggs that led you to your iTunes card."

Derek: "Oh, THAT would have been fun!"

Oh yes, my sweet child.  That would have been fun. :)

Next year I'll have to remember to tell the Easter Bunny to make a huge *START HERE* sign.  That is... if the big brother decides to keep his mouth shut long enough for one more visit.  

~Hope you all had a lovely Easter!~ 

~opening day~

Tomorrow is a holiday in our house.
It's on the calendar.
We take off work early.
We grill out and have lots of goodies to snack on.
We'll eat Peanuts and Hot Dogs and Ice Cream from our Cincinnati Reds cap bowls. 
We love baseball...
and especially our Cincinnati Reds!!

They boys are deciding which shirt to wear.
Bruce, Votto, Phillips, Cueto, or Rolen.
They have them all... in red or black.
I've got my flip-flops ready. 
Just need to paint the toes.

We surprised Austin last summer and redecorated his room one weekend when he was staying with his grandparents.  His room was originally a peach color.  We got by telling him it was "light orange" for long enough.  Our boys have more OSU and Reds stuff than we have room for.  So, it was only fitting to keep with similar colors and stick with the sports theme. 

The pennants in the first picture were something I found at a local store years ago.  I snatched them, just wasn't sure what to do with them at the time.  So, when we redecorated his room I wanted to incorporate them somehow.  I decided to hot glue little clothespins on the backs of each one and hang them from twine in his window.  Austin separated them between the two leagues... American and National.  Now he can move them around and keep track of their standings all year. He's all about the stats!!  (I've recently bought gray blinds that hang under the pennants, too, for privacy. They just aren't in these pictures.)

This old printers drawer use to hold my mom's miniature collection.  I thought it would be perfect next to Austin's desk so he could display some of his Lego and Halo guys.  It's usually empty... as they are often found scattered about the house.     

Just thought I'd share a quick peek inside his room.

I'm off to bed now.

Can't wait for 4:05 p.m. tomorrow!

Sweet dreams of home-runs...

Go REDS!!!