Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

~visualize~


Right before every game, my son's baseball team is called into a huddle to visualize.  No talking, no listening, no words spoken.  In this brief moment, thoughts of hitting, running, catching, batting, fielding, fly balls, singles, doubles, triples, home runs, outs, pitches, and *who knows what* are all racing through their minds. For all I know, one of them is thinking that he needs to double knot his shoe lace or he'll trip, or that he should have picked a grape Gatorade instead of orange.  Reguardless, I often wonder about what each person thinks about for his own mental game.  Do they have confidence in themselves or are they scared?  Can they see themselves succeeding or do they see failure?  

Austin commented after a game that something during the game happened that he had visualized before the game and that it works.  Does it work?  Can we visualize something and actually make it happen? Is it luck or coincidence or will power? If we want something bad enough can we achieve it? Of course we can!

Then I think of my own life.  My family and friends.  Are we taking enough time in our own busy lives to really sit, think, not talk or listen, just visualize?  We should. We can.  We can learn from our children. 

All of us are capable of hitting a home run...in life... or on the field. We just have to see it. And then take a chance and swing.


(*On a side note, I visualized my house being cool again and guess what?? It is! Mr. Air Conditioner Man came through and this mama is a bit happier, and cooler!)

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

~together~

Summer break is officially here for the boys. And me, too. 


The past few weeks have been filled with tons of baseball games, practices, field trips, activity days at school, field days, academic awards, Poet's Wax Musuem costume , last day of school fun, making gifts for teachers and bus drivers, finishing projects and helping the boys study for the final tests of the year.


To top things off, sadly, I also lost my job.  My job that I loved and did well at.  I will miss the people more than anything.  Although I don't think this decision (from the higher ups) was correct or just, I am beginning to think that all of these events and errands of the past few weeks were a blessing in disguise to distract me from the storm that eventually came. As awful as it was, I could feel that someone was watching out for me and wrapping their arms around me and giving me comfort when it all came crashing down.

There was all of this commotion and tying up loose ends at the end of the school year and keeping me busy during this hard time and keeping my mind focused on other things.  All part of His plan.  I trust He has bigger and better plans for me and that right now I was just not needed where I was.  I have to trust, hope, pray, and believe.  That is what is getting me through.

As rough and hard as it may be for us right now, I look at my life and our family and our health and everything around us and I can't help but feel blessed. I am so thankful that I have those things in life that are truly important to me. 


So, today, when I sat on the floor and played baseball Memory with my boys.... not once, twice, three times, but four games in a row....I was reminded that these are the times I will remember years from now.


Making memories and sharing quality time with the people most important to me. Slowing things down and enjoying every moment.  Making lunch together, setting the table, going to ball games together, walking to the library, reading together, walking to the post office to get a special package together and all guessing what color the special gift will be inside when we open it (can't wait to share!).  Together.


Even though I've lost my job (that I had to drive to), I've still got the best one in the world... hands down!  No paycheck required.  I love being a mom. 


And my car looks just fine parked in our driveway for now.
My clean car, that is. 

    

Monday, May 14, 2012

~clarity~


This space, for me, is somewhere I'd like to keep things positive.
Share my thoughts, ideas, crafts, discussions, hopes, and such.
But real life doesn't always give us happy and pleasant things to blog about.  And I don't like sharing too much "bad news", so I stayed away.  But I wanted to share this, now, because someday I want to be able to read it back and remind myself of the power to overcome things.  My absense was due to numerous things, but I'll only touch on two below.
The day I decided to take a breather, I was hit with some unexpected news at work. 
Sometimes things aren't always how wonderful they seem.
To sum things up, I was blind-sided.
Taken completely off guard.
I took things personally.
What was wrong with me?
What did I do to deserve this?
How could I have done things differently?
Questions continually flooded my mind and I couldn't wrap my finger on any exact answers.
And then it hit me.
I woke up one morning and realized that it wasn't me after all.
Things happen around us and sometimes we are caught in the middle.
Or pointed a finger at directly.
For no reason at all.
And it hurts.
Bad.
But then we find clarity.
The blame slowly feels as though it has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am not carrying the weight any more.

I love my job.
I strive to do my best with what I know.
I enjoy all the people I help serve.
The people make we want to go to work each day.
I look forward to it.
I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
I feel like there is a wall up and I will stay guarded.
But it taught me a lot about who I am.
I'm a fighter.
I will not step away from something that I am passionate about.
I will stand up for what I know and believe.
And for realizing this and moving forward, I am greatful.

That same weekend, we got a phone call that made me feel like the world was crashing around us.  Out of respect for the family, I'll only share that a classmate, of my oldest son, took his own life.  Eleven. 

God surely had to be testing me.  Seeing how much I could handle.  How far my strength could go.  Words cannot discribe how hard it was to tell Austin this news.  Again... questions came flooding in.... from him this time.  "Why and how and when and where?"  Mostly the "why".  Although we didn't have all the answers, we tried our best to comfort and support him through this time as much as possible.  My husband, myself, and Austin shared some tears.  Just when I thought I had a break handling other topics (~page 191~), this happens. But, again, I'm glad we were able to be open and discuss this as a family.  
Weeks have passed. Questions have been answered. Life goes on.  

Now when I go to bed each night I am:
~thankful that I have clarity and even more confidence in my work
~hugging my boys just a few seconds longer and tighter... because I can

It feels good to be back!   

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

~breather~


Just in case my 5 million followers were wondering if I fell off the planet.... (hehehehe!)
I'll be back soon. 
Real life is calling.
Thanks for understanding.
XX~ Kelly

Monday, April 23, 2012

~page 191~



Being a parent can be really hard sometimes.
We teach and guide and pray that when our children are away from the home that they make good choices.
But we never know what choices they'll be confronted with or what they'll be exposed to once they step out that front door.
That is what scares me most.





Our oldest came home from school one day last week and started telling me about a book that a female classmate was reading.
This book was on the shelf in their classroom, available for anyone to read.  As much as we encourage literacy in our own home, there are some books that are just meant for adult eyes only.
You would never find such a book offered in a school book order or even in the Young Adult section of the library.

I own a copy of the book.  (This particular author is great, but geared toward an adult audience.) 
I ran and got the book and turned to "page 191" and read the four very *descriptive* pages, just like he had at school. 

It was the longest four pages I've ever read in my life.
His wheels were turning. 
Then the questions started.
And kept pouring in...
and going on...
and on.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't mind him asking.
I WANT him to come to us with questions.
I WANT to be the one to tell him the answers.
The correct answers.
Not the "school bus version". 
What gets me was that we even had to have the conversation in the first place.
I was ready to talk, but wasn't ready for him to hear what I had to say.  We've talked before about the same things, but not to this extent.



The conversation went as well as it could have.
I stressed some important things and kept some items for a later discussion or for him to discover on his own.



Sometimes I wish I could keep them young and innocent forever.
To be able to hold their hands and give them security.


But then I remind myself that we are giving them the proper tools to make their own decisions in life.
We have to slowly let go more and more each day, trust them, and watch them grow before our eyes.
It's awesome and scary at the time.

More than anything, I'm glad we've taught them to feel comfortable enough to come to us with any questions.
 That door will always be open.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

~connected~

It's not often that I am in my car going somewhere alone.  Tonight was an exception. I took advantage of the quiet time, my beautiful surroundings, no traffic, and the changing season seen all around. 


As I drove and took it all in, I couldn't help but think of this huge world and everyone in it.  I've met a lot of people in just in the past three months blogging.  Some I've gotten to know better than others, but I've appreciated chatting with all of you.

 We are all on different paths in this life. And as different as we may be, we all share something that enables us to connect.


I might not knit, or home-school my kids, or buy organic produce all the time (gasp!!), or raise my own chickens.  I don't sing in a band, party until the wee hours of the morning, or let my kids play rated 'M' video games. I never breastfed my kids, I cuss sometimes, and I don't iron.  Ever!


But even though I might do completely different things, or not do them, we're really not much different after all.



 We all appreciate the beauty in the small things, have a love of nature, care about values important to us, and do things for the better of our own families.


 Just because we do things different, doesn't mean it's wrong.  I find inspiration in all the diversity.  I absolutely love seeing pictures of spaces all around the world, learning new cultures and traditions, getting a glimpse into another life.  


Thanks for being a part of my ride... 
Wherever your road may lead.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

~ with lemon, please~


Water.... with lemon, please.
That's my new drink of choice.
Since January, I've been trying to cut out Pop. (I call it pop... some call it Coke or Soda.  It's always been "Pop" for this gal.)
I loved Diet Pepsi.
Couldn't get enough.
Now it tastes funny to me if I drink it. 
At first, I cut back to just ordering Pop if we went out to eat somewhere. 
Now, it's either tea or water.
I can honestly say that I can tell a difference from this change.
In numerous areas.
I thought it would be harder than it was, but it wasn't.

One thing that helped was buying this cool cup with straw.
I love it.
I carry it to work.
It's in my cup holder at every ball game.
It's on my coffee table in the evenings.
It's on my nightstand until morning.
My kids take sips and think it "tastes better" in this cup.
As pricey as it was, I still might just have to buy a couple more for the rest of the group.

It's like buying a new pair of shoes, or a new color of nail polish.  If something just looks pretty to you, you are drawn to it more.
Thank you, my yellow-green cup, for encouraging me to drink more water.

Please share... whether it's coffee, tea, pop, soda, water, beer, Kool-aid.  Just shout it out..What's your drink of choice??

**Now I have to admit that as I read this post back, it's making me sing "Red Solo Cup" in my head!  Or, should I say, "Yellow-Green Cup"!?! And now I'll raise my cup saying, "Cheers to you, my friends! Happy Tuesday!" 

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

~I'm guilty...~


Don't ask me why.
I'm just guilty of doing it.
It all started in December.
And it is still happening today.
I was guilty just last night.
And this morning.
I don't even know exactly what it is that draws me so much.
Is it the variety?
The ability to do it wherever I want.
Whenever I want.
It's an addiction.
And I just can't stop.

I'm guilty of cheating on my library....

with my Nook.

I stopped into the library yesterday and you should have seen the looks I got.
The questions I was bombarded with.
The stares.
They all know.
They've heard.
They've seen my empty account in their computers.

But I'll tell you what...
No matter how much I love my Nook ,
NOTHING FEELS BETTER THAN HOLDING THE PRINTED WORD IN YOUR HANDS.
Nothing.
So, I left with my arms full.
With a long receipt that could touch the floor.
And a smile.

Anyone else guilty of neglecting your library?
Come on...
Be honest.
Fess up...

Monday, March 26, 2012

~the lucky one~


I'm lucky.

I know I am, but sometimes it takes a little sign like this to put it all into perspective.

I reached down at a baseball game this weekend, picked this green goodness, and immediately was flooded with ways in which I feel I am lucky.

What do you feel lucky about right now?  

Please feel free to share...

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

~last night~


finishing:
this book before the big brother and I have an "Adventure" and go see the movie 


missing:
 a friend who lost their battle earlier this week, as I look behind at the beautiful backdrop of my boy's practice field



wondering:
how in the heck that boy of mine is fielding that baseball and not breaking his left foot?!?!


proud:
of all the hard work, dedication, and love this boy shows towards the sport


amazed:
by the 'Spring' sunset my boy and I shared on our ride home together

Happy Spring to you and your loved ones!
XX

Monday, March 12, 2012

~growing~


Dear Hot Wheels and Ninja Turtles,

How are you doing??  I am great!  Weather is rainy today, but I'm anxious for Spring.... it's just around the corner.  

Just thought I would send you a quick note to tell you about my weekend.  Austin had his first baseball scrimmage of the season.  The team did awesome.  It's going to be a great year! 

We got home from baseball and just imagine my surprise when I picked up his iPod and saw that he had a new app (shortcut). It was for my blog. I'm not ready to embrace all of this technology yet.  He follows my blog.  Weird, huh?? Boy, how things have changed in just the last 11 years.

I hope you are all doing well.  I think about you often and all the memories we have from our times spent together on the floor.  Not a day goes by that I don't miss you. 

Yours truly,
Austin's Mom  

Monday, March 5, 2012

~ it's over~


I have a confession to make.
I may have made a fist-pump motion in the air when the buzzer blew last night.
Last game of the season.
My back is feeling the past three days spent on the bleachers during tournaments. 
Longest season ever.
Any sport, any season, for both sons. 
Longest EVER.
For him and us.
Record: 0-19
Still hurts to think about.
I laughed and shed a few tears this season.
He did, too.
He hustled and never quit.
But this chapter is over.
It taught a huge life lesson to my oldest.  
How to lose.
How to lose with dignity.
And for that,
I am thankful.  

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

~strawberries~


I'm already looking forward to strawberry picking season.  Although the soil is not ready for planting yet, it sure felt like it today with the weather at 67 degrees.  It is such a beautiful "winter" day, although I am so anxious for Spring. 


We usually only have a couple of plants growing at home in my favorite purple pot on our back patio.  We don't harvest too many at home, but the boys enjoy watching these as they change from their white flowers, to the "green small strawberries", to the light pink and then vibrant, red, plump, juicy fruit.


We make an annual trip, a.k.a."Adventure", to a local strawberry patch to pick most of our strawberries that I use for making freezer jam.  Last year we hit the patch late in the picking season and got the last crop.


Yesterday I was cleaning and washing a couple of quarts of strawberries in the sink.  I've done this for years, but I tried something new this time. It was an epiphany!!  And after I was done, I wondered why the heck had I not done this before!  Don't laugh.. I know you've been guilty of this, too. 


Are you ready to hear what amazing thing I learned??


It will forever change the way you wash, clean, and "de-stem" your fruit.  Here it goes:


I ran luke warm water in the sink, over my hands, while holding the berries instead of freezing, ice cold water.



Call me a slow learner, if you must.  Laugh... you might. But I felt like I had just passed a really hard exam with flying colors.

So, if you've been guilty of letting the cold water run wild
while cleaning your fruits and veggies
(like I have forever.. and why!?!) 
give it a try...
move the handle over...
your hands will thank you!

Life changing, I tell ya!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

~I wonder...~


Today I attended the funeral of a lovely woman who I have known for exactly a year, from yesterday.  

As I was sitting at the service this morning, my thoughts drifted in and out:  I was recalling memories, thinking of images I had stored away, listening to what the pastor was saying, wondering what the little girl in front of me was trying to do to keep herself occupied, thinking that I should have brought my own tissues, listening to the beautiful words sung by a church member, thinking I needed to learn how to play the guitar soon, looking at all of the beautiful flowers surrounding us.  I know I'm not the only woman out there who has a mind racing with things constantly, am I!?!?

But the thought that really stuck with me the rest of the day was this:  Who will be attending my funeral someday and what kind of memories will they have?

I have been to countless services before, young and old, family and friends, neighbors and co-workers.... but NEVER have I had this though.  Why now?? What has changed?  Was it a sign?  Why would I even think this??  

So, I sit here now thinking about where I am in my life, who I am influencing, how much I am involved, what kind of good, or bad, am I doing in this life.  I'm taking a closer look at the "who's" and "why's" surrounding me.  What will I be remembered for?  

I know in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter if you have 1 person or 2,000 come to your funeral to pay their respects.  But, what kind of memories will they have of me? With me?  What kinds of things will the pastor have to say about me?  I've always been one to worry about things... but never this. 

I wonder...

And I'm missing you already, CM.  We'll meet again someday.
        
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