~visualize~

Right before every game, my son's baseball team is called into a huddle to visualize.  No talking, no listening, no words spoken.  In this brief moment, thoughts of hitting, running, catching, batting, fielding, fly balls, singles, doubles, triples, home runs, outs, pitches, and *who knows what* are all racing through their minds. For all I know, one of them is thinking that he needs to double knot his shoe lace or he'll trip, or that he should have picked a grape Gatorade instead of orange.  Reguardless, I often wonder about what each person thinks about for his own mental game.  Do they have confidence in themselves or are they scared?  Can they see themselves succeeding or do they see failure?  

Austin commented after a game that something during the game happened that he had visualized before the game and that it works.  Does it work?  Can we visualize something and actually make it happen? Is it luck or coincidence or will power? If we want something bad enough can we achieve it? Of course we can!

Then I think of my own life.  My family and friends.  Are we taking enough time in our own busy lives to really sit, think, not talk or listen, just visualize?  We should. We can.  We can learn from our children. 

All of us are capable of hitting a home run...in life... or on the field. We just have to see it. And then take a chance and swing.


(*On a side note, I visualized my house being cool again and guess what?? It is! Mr. Air Conditioner Man came through and this mama is a bit happier, and cooler!)

~together~

Summer break is officially here for the boys. And me, too. 

The past few weeks have been filled with tons of baseball games, practices, field trips, activity days at school, field days, academic awards, Poet's Wax Musuem costume , last day of school fun, making gifts for teachers and bus drivers, finishing projects and helping the boys study for the final tests of the year.

To top things off, sadly, I also lost my job.  My job that I loved and did well at.  I will miss the people more than anything.  Although I don't think this decision (from the higher ups) was correct or just, I am beginning to think that all of these events and errands of the past few weeks were a blessing in disguise to distract me from the storm that eventually came. As awful as it was, I could feel that someone was watching out for me and wrapping their arms around me and giving me comfort when it all came crashing down.

There was all of this commotion and tying up loose ends at the end of the school year and keeping me busy during this hard time and keeping my mind focused on other things.  All part of His plan.  I trust He has bigger and better plans for me and that right now I was just not needed where I was.  I have to trust, hope, pray, and believe.  That is what is getting me through.

As rough and hard as it may be for us right now, I look at my life and our family and our health and everything around us and I can't help but feel blessed. I am so thankful that I have those things in life that are truly important to me. 

So, today, when I sat on the floor and played baseball Memory with my boys.... not once, twice, three times, but four games in a row....I was reminded that these are the times I will remember years from now.

Making memories and sharing quality time with the people most important to me. Slowing things down and enjoying every moment.  Making lunch together, setting the table, going to ball games together, walking to the library, reading together, walking to the post office to get a special package together and all guessing what color the special gift will be inside when we open it (can't wait to share!).  Together.

Even though I've lost my job (that I had to drive to), I've still got the best one in the world... hands down!  No paycheck required.  I love being a mom. 

And my car looks just fine parked in our driveway for now.
My clean car, that is. 

    

~clarity~

This space, for me, is somewhere I'd like to keep things positive.

Share my thoughts, ideas, crafts, discussions, hopes, and such.

But real life doesn't always give us happy and pleasant things to blog about.  And I don't like sharing too much "bad news", so I stayed away.  But I wanted to share this, now, because someday I want to be able to read it back and remind myself of the power to overcome things.  My absense was due to numerous things, but I'll only touch on two below.

The day I decided to take a breather, I was hit with some unexpected news at work. 

Sometimes things aren't always how wonderful they seem.

To sum things up, I was blind-sided.

Taken completely off guard.

I took things personally.

What was wrong with me?

What did I do to deserve this?

How could I have done things differently?

Questions continually flooded my mind and I couldn't wrap my finger on any exact answers.

And then it hit me.

I woke up one morning and realized that it wasn't me after all.

Things happen around us and sometimes we are caught in the middle.

Or pointed a finger at directly.

For no reason at all.

And it hurts.
Bad.
But then we find clarity.
The blame slowly feels as though it has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am not carrying the weight any more.

I love my job.

I strive to do my best with what I know.

I enjoy all the people I help serve.

The people make we want to go to work each day.

I look forward to it.

I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

I feel like there is a wall up and I will stay guarded.

But it taught me a lot about who I am.

I'm a fighter.

I will not step away from something that I am passionate about.
I will stand up for what I know and believe.

And for realizing this and moving forward, I am greatful.

That same weekend, we got a phone call that made me feel like the world was crashing around us.  Out of respect for the family, I'll only share that a classmate, of my oldest son, took his own life.  Eleven. 

God surely had to be testing me.  Seeing how much I could handle.  How far my strength could go.  Words cannot discribe how hard it was to tell Austin this news.  Again... questions came flooding in.... from him this time.  "Why and how and when and where?"  Mostly the "why".  Although we didn't have all the answers, we tried our best to comfort and support him through this time as much as possible.  My husband, myself, and Austin shared some tears.  Just when I thought I had a break handling other topics (~page 191~), this happens. But, again, I'm glad we were able to be open and discuss this as a family.  

Weeks have passed. Questions have been answered. Life goes on.  

Now when I go to bed each night I am:
~thankful that I have clarity and even more confidence in my work

~hugging my boys just a few seconds longer and tighter... because I can

It feels good to be back!   

~Sunday Storms~

Sunday morning was just gorgeous.  Beautiful skies, warm air, and a perfect day to enjoy the weather outdoors.  After getting some things finished around the house, we decided to run a few errands.

We stopped by the park on the way home and let the kids explore and wear off some of that constant boy energy.

 The clouds were lovely on the ride home.  Fluffy and delicious... like cotton candy.  We had the sunroof open, radio cranked, and were enjoying the wonderful day together and the awesome weather.

Until....

We got home.

 

It just hit us.  The wind was gusting and the rain came down in buckets.  More like swimming pools.  Or rivers.

And it came...

And it came harder...

Then the hail started.  At first it was really cool.  We ran into the master bedroom to shut the window. I went ahead and left it open at first... letting the boys feel the mist of the storm through the screen. Then the hail came down harder.  The sound of it ricocheting off the grill and the patio furniture got extremely loud. It got a little scary... for us all. 
I decided I should go ahead and shut the window.

After the storm died down we decided to head outdoors to check out the damage.  It looked like it had rained for days, even though this storm had moved out just as fast as it came in.

The water had completely covered the drains along the side of the road.  You could see the water swirling where the holes to the drains lay. 

 The sun appeared again as we walked to the end of the road to check out the neighbor's yards.  It could have been worse.  And we are thankful that it was not.

Later that evening, our oldest son came out of his bedroom while doing homework to ask us a question.  He just finished reading The Terrible Wave and was working on a few assignments pertaining to the book.

He asked us if there was any "good" that could come out of a natural disaster.

Of course there is.  Whether it be a tornado, earthquake, hurricane, etc., there is always good that can come from it.

 

Community.  A comminity working together, supporting, caring, comforting, rebuilding.  That is the good.

We explained how even with our storm we had that evening, we saw our community coming together.  Neighbors were outside checking on eachother, people were using garbage can lids to scoop out water close to houses, tractors from local farms came into town to help clear out drains and move the water. 

There is good all around us. 

We just need to see it.