~500 water balloons and one hot mama~

What do you do when your air conditioner breaks down over the weekend and you have the smart idea (maybe it'll be cheaper??) to wait until Monday to call for service?  You head to the store, of course, for a bottle of 500 water balloons!  Trust me... takes your mind off of the 90 degree temps in one toss and burst. 
Temporary relief, but we'll take it!

We came home Saturday from a travel baseball game to find the house at 86 degrees and the a/c running constant, just not cooling the house.  Needless to say, this mama has been a bit grouchy for a few days. As I sit here now, we are still waiting on our local service guy to be here "later this afternoon" to fix it.  We're finding comfort in eating lots of salads, watermelon, grilling out instead of using the stove or oven, and running 5 fans constant to get the air flowing.   Only problem is, the air that is flowing is really, really hot air!  I'm trying hard to think back to times before people had this luxury and not complain too much.
But lets be honest here... it's just not working.  

If you happen to live local and you've seen me and the boys wondering around stores, without a cart, for hours at a time, just browsing, making small talk with whoever wants to chat, now you'll know why.

If you see me driving around the block with the windows up and the a/c blaring, and around, and around, and around the block once more, now you'll know why. 

We're not bored.
We're not lonely.
We're not weird. (Although some may beg to differ.)
We're just hot.
And we'll take relief in any form we can find.
Can't wait to see you, Mr. Air Conditioner Man.  Just be careful not to get soaked by a water balloon when you pull in our driveway.

~together~

Summer break is officially here for the boys. And me, too. 

The past few weeks have been filled with tons of baseball games, practices, field trips, activity days at school, field days, academic awards, Poet's Wax Musuem costume , last day of school fun, making gifts for teachers and bus drivers, finishing projects and helping the boys study for the final tests of the year.

To top things off, sadly, I also lost my job.  My job that I loved and did well at.  I will miss the people more than anything.  Although I don't think this decision (from the higher ups) was correct or just, I am beginning to think that all of these events and errands of the past few weeks were a blessing in disguise to distract me from the storm that eventually came. As awful as it was, I could feel that someone was watching out for me and wrapping their arms around me and giving me comfort when it all came crashing down.

There was all of this commotion and tying up loose ends at the end of the school year and keeping me busy during this hard time and keeping my mind focused on other things.  All part of His plan.  I trust He has bigger and better plans for me and that right now I was just not needed where I was.  I have to trust, hope, pray, and believe.  That is what is getting me through.

As rough and hard as it may be for us right now, I look at my life and our family and our health and everything around us and I can't help but feel blessed. I am so thankful that I have those things in life that are truly important to me. 

So, today, when I sat on the floor and played baseball Memory with my boys.... not once, twice, three times, but four games in a row....I was reminded that these are the times I will remember years from now.

Making memories and sharing quality time with the people most important to me. Slowing things down and enjoying every moment.  Making lunch together, setting the table, going to ball games together, walking to the library, reading together, walking to the post office to get a special package together and all guessing what color the special gift will be inside when we open it (can't wait to share!).  Together.

Even though I've lost my job (that I had to drive to), I've still got the best one in the world... hands down!  No paycheck required.  I love being a mom. 

And my car looks just fine parked in our driveway for now.
My clean car, that is. 

    

~clarity~

This space, for me, is somewhere I'd like to keep things positive.

Share my thoughts, ideas, crafts, discussions, hopes, and such.

But real life doesn't always give us happy and pleasant things to blog about.  And I don't like sharing too much "bad news", so I stayed away.  But I wanted to share this, now, because someday I want to be able to read it back and remind myself of the power to overcome things.  My absense was due to numerous things, but I'll only touch on two below.

The day I decided to take a breather, I was hit with some unexpected news at work. 

Sometimes things aren't always how wonderful they seem.

To sum things up, I was blind-sided.

Taken completely off guard.

I took things personally.

What was wrong with me?

What did I do to deserve this?

How could I have done things differently?

Questions continually flooded my mind and I couldn't wrap my finger on any exact answers.

And then it hit me.

I woke up one morning and realized that it wasn't me after all.

Things happen around us and sometimes we are caught in the middle.

Or pointed a finger at directly.

For no reason at all.

And it hurts.
Bad.
But then we find clarity.
The blame slowly feels as though it has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am not carrying the weight any more.

I love my job.

I strive to do my best with what I know.

I enjoy all the people I help serve.

The people make we want to go to work each day.

I look forward to it.

I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

I feel like there is a wall up and I will stay guarded.

But it taught me a lot about who I am.

I'm a fighter.

I will not step away from something that I am passionate about.
I will stand up for what I know and believe.

And for realizing this and moving forward, I am greatful.

That same weekend, we got a phone call that made me feel like the world was crashing around us.  Out of respect for the family, I'll only share that a classmate, of my oldest son, took his own life.  Eleven. 

God surely had to be testing me.  Seeing how much I could handle.  How far my strength could go.  Words cannot discribe how hard it was to tell Austin this news.  Again... questions came flooding in.... from him this time.  "Why and how and when and where?"  Mostly the "why".  Although we didn't have all the answers, we tried our best to comfort and support him through this time as much as possible.  My husband, myself, and Austin shared some tears.  Just when I thought I had a break handling other topics (~page 191~), this happens. But, again, I'm glad we were able to be open and discuss this as a family.  

Weeks have passed. Questions have been answered. Life goes on.  

Now when I go to bed each night I am:
~thankful that I have clarity and even more confidence in my work

~hugging my boys just a few seconds longer and tighter... because I can

It feels good to be back!   

~breather~

Just in case my 5 million followers were wondering if I fell off the planet.... (hehehehe!)
I'll be back soon. 
Real life is calling.
Thanks for understanding.
XX~ Kelly

~snack time~

Big brother: "Why does my raisin have a stick in it?"

Little brother: "Duh, Austin... They were grapes, you know!?!"

~twenty twelve~

As my youngest would say,

"Who matters?"......

Last year brought many changes for our family: new job for myself, "middle school" for our oldest, new ball teams, but most of all a new outlook on life. I have been guilty for a very long time of letting what other people think about me effect my every day life.... to the extreme. This very time last year I was online daily searching for a new job, wondering what the future was going to hold, and worrying about small things that really didn't matter at all. I found comfort in reading blogs from other women who inspired me, taught me, and made me realize that I needed to appreciate more of the smaller things in life. I am continually putting into action what I have learned from them. I am grateful to these women... all of whom to which I am just an "Anonymous" reader. I have continued to follow a handful of blogs daily, all of which I have NEVER posted a comment, never voiced my opinion, feelings, or gratitude towards. I feel as though it is my time to enter this online world and introduce myself to these people who I have never "met". This will be my space to share. Thank you...for inspiring me every day.

And to answer my son's question.......

YOU MATTER.