~I wonder...~

Today I attended the funeral of a lovely woman who I have known for exactly a year, from yesterday.  

As I was sitting at the service this morning, my thoughts drifted in and out:  I was recalling memories, thinking of images I had stored away, listening to what the pastor was saying, wondering what the little girl in front of me was trying to do to keep herself occupied, thinking that I should have brought my own tissues, listening to the beautiful words sung by a church member, thinking I needed to learn how to play the guitar soon, looking at all of the beautiful flowers surrounding us.  I know I'm not the only woman out there who has a mind racing with things constantly, am I!?!?

But the thought that really stuck with me the rest of the day was this:  Who will be attending my funeral someday and what kind of memories will they have?

I have been to countless services before, young and old, family and friends, neighbors and co-workers.... but NEVER have I had this though.  Why now?? What has changed?  Was it a sign?  Why would I even think this??  

So, I sit here now thinking about where I am in my life, who I am influencing, how much I am involved, what kind of good, or bad, am I doing in this life.  I'm taking a closer look at the "who's" and "why's" surrounding me.  What will I be remembered for?  

I know in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter if you have 1 person or 2,000 come to your funeral to pay their respects.  But, what kind of memories will they have of me? With me?  What kinds of things will the pastor have to say about me?  I've always been one to worry about things... but never this. 

I wonder...

And I'm missing you already, CM.  We'll meet again someday.