~reminder~

Two kids on two different ball teams at two different fields.

It's bound to happen.  We have to split up and one parent goes with each child.  I'm sure some of you have experienced this, also, through the years. I feel for the families with more than two children... it has to be even harder!  And this is just the beginning.  It'll be this way all through high school.  We hope that maybe when Austin is a Junior and Derek is a Freshman (or when they are a Senior/Sophomore) they might be on the same team at least one time. I'll keep my fingers crossed.  

Considering that Nathan is Derek's coach, he always gets to pair up with and see Derek play baseball by default.  I get to travel with Austin and take him to his practices and games.  As much as we enjoy watching both of our boys play ball, as parents, we wish we could see it all. Be both places at once. Cheer them both on.  We call or text each other with updates all through the games.  We lay in bed that night and fill each other in on the other boy's game/practice.    

As a little reminder to Derek that his mama is with him, even though I cannot be there physically, I started a tradition last year.  I tie a tiny piece of yarn around his shoelace so that when he goes up to bat he knows his mama is with him.  Last year it was grey.  This year, green.  Every night when we have to split up and go our different ways, I give him hugs and kisses, tell him to have fun and do his best, and then I reach down and touch his shoe and remind him that he can look down at that yarn and I'm right there with him.  Then I look up and see his big beautiful smile, and take that image away with me so that I, too, can be reminded of his love when we are apart.

Green Yarn 2012

   

Grey Yarn 2011

~together~

Summer break is officially here for the boys. And me, too. 

The past few weeks have been filled with tons of baseball games, practices, field trips, activity days at school, field days, academic awards, Poet's Wax Musuem costume , last day of school fun, making gifts for teachers and bus drivers, finishing projects and helping the boys study for the final tests of the year.

To top things off, sadly, I also lost my job.  My job that I loved and did well at.  I will miss the people more than anything.  Although I don't think this decision (from the higher ups) was correct or just, I am beginning to think that all of these events and errands of the past few weeks were a blessing in disguise to distract me from the storm that eventually came. As awful as it was, I could feel that someone was watching out for me and wrapping their arms around me and giving me comfort when it all came crashing down.

There was all of this commotion and tying up loose ends at the end of the school year and keeping me busy during this hard time and keeping my mind focused on other things.  All part of His plan.  I trust He has bigger and better plans for me and that right now I was just not needed where I was.  I have to trust, hope, pray, and believe.  That is what is getting me through.

As rough and hard as it may be for us right now, I look at my life and our family and our health and everything around us and I can't help but feel blessed. I am so thankful that I have those things in life that are truly important to me. 

So, today, when I sat on the floor and played baseball Memory with my boys.... not once, twice, three times, but four games in a row....I was reminded that these are the times I will remember years from now.

Making memories and sharing quality time with the people most important to me. Slowing things down and enjoying every moment.  Making lunch together, setting the table, going to ball games together, walking to the library, reading together, walking to the post office to get a special package together and all guessing what color the special gift will be inside when we open it (can't wait to share!).  Together.

Even though I've lost my job (that I had to drive to), I've still got the best one in the world... hands down!  No paycheck required.  I love being a mom. 

And my car looks just fine parked in our driveway for now.
My clean car, that is. 

    

~this moment~

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Inspired by SouleMama

~no particular order~

We are full swing into baseball season around here. Every evening this week you'll find us at a ballpark. 

Practice and games.

This weekend we'll spend both days at a tournament for our oldest.

Here we go...

Top THREE favorite things at a baseball game:

(in no particular order) 

Derek

Austin

Soft pretzel

Off to a ball game now!

And I think I might just have a soft pretzel for dinner.

It's ball season, baby...

I can bend the rules a little.

OK...nevermind...I'll be good.

No, wait, I can't.

Alright....

You talked me into it. 

I'll just get "lightly salted".

That's better.

But the cheese sauce stays.



~attention: noses~

What are some of your favorite scents?

Would you pick vanilla, coffee, bread, lavender, grass being mowed, gasoline, oranges, or babies?? Some of these are my favorites, while others I could live without.

If I could make a new scent for a candle, it would be called

"Rolls Rising".  Love. This. Smell.  Love it!!



Everyone has completely different opinions on this. 

I'm nosy and want to know what some of your favorites are.  

Be a sport.  We won't judge.  We might even have more in common with one another than we already know.

What makes you take a *deep breath in* to inhale smelly goodness?



~clarity~

This space, for me, is somewhere I'd like to keep things positive.

Share my thoughts, ideas, crafts, discussions, hopes, and such.

But real life doesn't always give us happy and pleasant things to blog about.  And I don't like sharing too much "bad news", so I stayed away.  But I wanted to share this, now, because someday I want to be able to read it back and remind myself of the power to overcome things.  My absense was due to numerous things, but I'll only touch on two below.

The day I decided to take a breather, I was hit with some unexpected news at work. 

Sometimes things aren't always how wonderful they seem.

To sum things up, I was blind-sided.

Taken completely off guard.

I took things personally.

What was wrong with me?

What did I do to deserve this?

How could I have done things differently?

Questions continually flooded my mind and I couldn't wrap my finger on any exact answers.

And then it hit me.

I woke up one morning and realized that it wasn't me after all.

Things happen around us and sometimes we are caught in the middle.

Or pointed a finger at directly.

For no reason at all.

And it hurts.
Bad.
But then we find clarity.
The blame slowly feels as though it has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am not carrying the weight any more.

I love my job.

I strive to do my best with what I know.

I enjoy all the people I help serve.

The people make we want to go to work each day.

I look forward to it.

I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

I feel like there is a wall up and I will stay guarded.

But it taught me a lot about who I am.

I'm a fighter.

I will not step away from something that I am passionate about.
I will stand up for what I know and believe.

And for realizing this and moving forward, I am greatful.

That same weekend, we got a phone call that made me feel like the world was crashing around us.  Out of respect for the family, I'll only share that a classmate, of my oldest son, took his own life.  Eleven. 

God surely had to be testing me.  Seeing how much I could handle.  How far my strength could go.  Words cannot discribe how hard it was to tell Austin this news.  Again... questions came flooding in.... from him this time.  "Why and how and when and where?"  Mostly the "why".  Although we didn't have all the answers, we tried our best to comfort and support him through this time as much as possible.  My husband, myself, and Austin shared some tears.  Just when I thought I had a break handling other topics (~page 191~), this happens. But, again, I'm glad we were able to be open and discuss this as a family.  

Weeks have passed. Questions have been answered. Life goes on.  

Now when I go to bed each night I am:
~thankful that I have clarity and even more confidence in my work

~hugging my boys just a few seconds longer and tighter... because I can

It feels good to be back!   

~raising three~

For my mom:

Thanks for laying the foundation for us to spread our wings and fly.

I love you all the way around the world a hundred million times!

XOXO 

For all mamas out there:

Have a lovely Mother's Day!